Dante Vs Leon 2
by Eric Draven201
Summary: The boys have at it again as the cyber rivalry heats up. Language is much more milder this time around. Oneshot.


Capcom owns us all...

Here we go again... If you haven't already figured it out, this is a sequel to the fic of the same name. Keeping with tradtion, this is a live collab between Shadow-of-a-wolf and me. Without further, ado please enjoy.

* * *

Dante Vs Leon 2

It was a Saturday afternoon like any other. Frantic calls for the devil hunter were few and far between, allowing Dante a very unusual moment of reprieve. Oddly enough, there was no Patty, Trish or Lady there to nag the Hell out of him. For a moment, he thought that had died and gone to heaven. Pfft! As if whatever benevolent deity that ran the place would let him in.

Normally, he would have spent however many brief hours he had of peace and quiet napping under the cover of whatever random magazine he could find. But today he was taking his new laptop for a test drive. The girls had convinced him that he was better off electronically filing all of his cases rather than his old paper method and begged him to buy the machine.

Sure he was computer savvy enough, but he was a lazy man. He'd often rationalize that computers should only be used for porn, porn, and more porn. Nevertheless, he booted up the computer and was greeted by a wallpaper of Tera Patrick. He let out a small sigh. _Too bad she's married_, he thought at first then continued with a devilish smile, _like that's ever stopped me before._

His instant messenger loaded by itself as he began checking his emails. Dante quickly scrolled through his friend's list seeing that Nero was offline, probably boning Kyrie senseless... Lord knows the girl needs it. _Dammed horny kids_. Vergil was away, most likely huddled in between stacks of books, reading. _That man's gonna die with his face in a book_, he mused.

More people were offline and Dante scrolled farther down the list to see—

"Aw shit," he cursed as the desperately shuffled his mouse to click 'invisible.' Unfortunately, the half-devil was too late.

**RaccoonResident89**: Yo.

**DevilishSmile201**: What the hell do you want, Kennedy?

**RaccoonResident89**: Wow. Crabby much? I know it must have been hard being replaced by emo-prince charming, but there's no need to be so surly.

**DevilishSmile201**: Heh... replaced? I was never replaced. But allow me to express my condolences upon your being getting replaced by your girlfriend's ... sorry... EX-girlfriend's brother! Aging must have been a bitch.

**RaccoonResident89**: Well, did Capcom tell you that you're getting replaced by a magical hooker? It must have broken your "wittle" demon heart to hear that. How's it feel going from Nero's 'lil helper to a vague memory, just like your manga? Must be a bitch!

**DevilishSmile201**: At least I got manga, novels, and an anime! What to you have? A CGI film where, you STILL don't get the girl.

**RaccoonResident89**: Low blow man. I get her in the deleted scenes dammit!

**DevilishSmile201**: He admits it! It takes deleted scenes for it to happen.

**RaccoonResident89**: Speaking of a deleted scene, why do people have to endure boring credits and challenges for a crappy extra scene! Wait— I did enjoy those outtakes where your hair caught on fire. Yeah! I saw that... I bet you thought those were long buried and gone.

**DevilishSmile201**: Fine! What's up with the Al Capone get up and Michael Jackson pose?!

**RaccoonResident89**: Says the guy who's only getups are shiner regular clothes and his dad's hand me downs!

**DevilishSmile201**: Hmm... Leather and velvet or an fugly-ass police uniform?

**DevilishSmile201**: Choices, choices.

**DevilishSmile201**: Well I say, Hater-Aide! You still can't hate on my pose. Makes the ladies swoon.

**RaccoonResident89**: I'll give you that but I think Nero makes those poses drown in a sea of WTF with his own stuff.

**RaccoonResident89**: Your accidental kid ain't got his daddy's flair! LOL!

**DevilishSmile201**: For the 100th time, he's not my kid!

**RaccoonResident89**: Pfft! Whatever. What I will say is that I'm the _real_ action star while you're Capcom's 'M' rated Zelda!

**DevilishSmile201**: ...And I still don't have damsel in distress issues.

**RaccoonResident89**: You still got daddy issues.

**DevilishSmile201**: Dude... whose family isn't dysfunctional? And why do you still have lady issues, huh? Claire, Hunnigan, Ashley and now Angela. When's it all going to end?

**RaccoonResident89**: If DMC 2 proved anything, it'll end with you stuck in hell flipping a damn coin to decide how big of an ass you are and me in bed with Lady and Trish.

**RaccoonResident89**: Beat that ya metro sexual!

**DevilishSmile201**: When? Is this before or after I take your current girl? Or when you take it in the ass from that nancy boy, Fredric or that monster that Miller became... Tyrant?

**RaccoonResident89**: Speaking of taking it in the ass... what about that group of demons that decided to show up after you take a shower and then you start demon hunting? I bet your gang bang demons talked about your tiny 'lil friend.

**DevilishSmile201**: Oh, wow. If u gotta go there, then I'm guessing yours is non-existent.

**RaccoonResident89**: =O At least my cosplayers aren't all chicks

**DevilishSmile201**: Dude, I think you got it the other way around. Have you even _seen_ my cosplayers? They put yours to shame.

**RaccoonResident89**: Damn! You're right! (goes to an emo corner) Chris will avenge me!

**DevilishSmile201**: Aww... come back! Don't quit now!

**RacconResident89**: T_T Well... You're a guy living off your daddy's legacy. Do you know what that makes you? A male Paris Hilton!

**DevilishSmile201**: Did you not play the last game? I've grown more powerful than my old man.

**RaccoonResident89**: Your last fight has you staring at a naked statue then getting your ass kicked by it!

**DevilishSmile201**: Your last fight had you running and not fighting at all. If I remember correctly, it was your girl... sorry again... Ex— that took care of the monster.

**DevilishSmile201**: Jeeze... I say that a lot. Must be devastating not to have a hot piece of ass like her. I'm surprised that Chris isn't on the war path right now to take your sorry ass out.

**RaccoonResident89**: Is that so?! At least I'm not sharing my popularity with a sibling. By the way compared to him you are an albino drunk monkey.

**DevilishSmile201**: So I'm an albino monkey? I guess that makes you a crybaby turned emotionless robot with wrinkly skin with the consistency of leather... no wait... an elephant's ass!

**RaccoonResident89**: At least I make money from risking my life, all you earn are bills and more yoai fics. I wonder which are you this week, seme or uke?

**DevilishSmile201**: So, you're not denying that you are just as wrinkly as an elephant's ass?

**DevilishSmile201**: How does it feel to have less credibility than an out of work actor?

**RaccoonResident89**: I age gracefully and I still have skills... unlike a certain demon. I'm still making money, RE4 is still one of the best zombie games out there, and my movie held the best acting since _Dark Knight_.

**DevilishSmile201**: (rolls eyes) yeah... for the time being... And best acting? That's somehow hard to believe with that blank look on your face.

**RaccoonResident89**: People still felt my vast emotions! I'm talented.

**DevilishSmile201**: In Japanese maybe, I sure as hell didn't feel it in English.

**RaccoonResident89**: Same goes for your commercials buddy.

**DevilishSmile201**: That makes no sense.... are you losing steam there, buddy?

**DevilishSmile201**: If that's the case, then I need to get going and meet up with Angela... 'cuz she knows how I like it... No teeth ^_-

**RaccoonResident89**: TT_TT

**DevilishSmile201**: I tell you what; you take a dump and sleep it off, 'cuz you ain't ready for this shit. Until then the next time we meet the kid gloves are off and you had better put up or shut up.

**RaccoonResident89**: Look, Dante.

**Devilishsmile201**: Yeah?

**RaccoonResident89**: I'm sorry.

**DevilishSmile201**: Wait— Are you bitching out on me, Kennedy?

**RaccoonResident89**: No... um... Look, RE5 is getting a huge following. More and more people are downloading the demo everyday and they are preordering like crazy before it comes out tomorrow. I'm just a little upset, what with Chris stealing my thunder and all.

**DevilishSmile201**: Ah, so now the shoe's on the other foot.

**RaccoonResident89**: Yeah... and Sheva, that woman he's with, is actually helpful... she's not getting herself kidnapped every five minutes.

**DevilishSmile201**: That's pretty awesome... well, for him. Ya know what? We could always sabotage him.

**RaccoonResident89**: You think so?

**DevilishSmile201**: Yeah! Plenty of people go 'missing' in Africa.

**RaccoonResident89**: ...

**DevilishSmile201**: Leon?

**RaccoonResident89**: I'm listening... What do you plan to do?

**DevilishSmile201**: Hop the next plane to Africa and I'll tell you on the way.

**RaccoonResident89**: Hmm... I can't wait to see what you have cooked up. If all goes well, by the time we get back, I'll help you take care of your Nero problem. I'll see you then, Dante.

**DevilishSmile201**: Later, Kennedy.

_**RaccoonResident89** logged out._

_**DevilishSmile201** logged out._

As each man signed off of their respective screen names their actions mirrored each other. They leaned back in their office chairs, kicking their feet onto their desks as a fiendish smirk graced their lips.

* * *

That line "Take a dump and sleep it off," if it sounds familiar to you it should. It came from the first DMC novel; it was a sign in front of Bobby's Cellar.

Again, these were just some ideas that Shadow and I bounced back and forth. I don't think that we had as much fun this time around as we did last time. Anyways, we'd love to hear from you. What can we do to make it better?


End file.
